Now today on my first day in new school, I was in a new court with new players all around. Since it was a first day, my father dropped me to school little earlier than school time 7.30 AM. I entered the class and it was all empty since mostly students will report directly in assembly (usually the school buses are always late) and then come back to classes which I was not aware. I got to a desk and sat down waiting to see if anyone will come in the class or I am sitting in wrong room. After 5 mins, a short height happy chubby girl entered the class and put her bag on side. I stood up in way of respect and she asked me “New admission””. I said "yes"... one more thing, until this point of my life thought I was studying in English medium but my previous school was more attached to our ancient roots, there was more stress on speaking in Sanskrit than English so even if I was really good in written English, I was shy of speaking in English (or you could say I just could not talk to anyone in English), I was little hesitant to speck in English and this new school was meant for taking in English all the times… that feeling I got when that girl started telling about herself while she was putting her school bag on desk and then came towards me and said “Lets to assembly. My name is xyz. What is your name". I was fine until the question part where I could reply like Yes and Varun however she then extended her hand along with question, I never had answer for her extended hand. I was looking at her since I never shook hands with any girl in my life like that and I was surprised why she is extending her hands. She also waited for few seconds and then pulled back her hand… she must have felt really bad and I could tell her that I just could not extend my hand...
In my earlier school we use to have separate rows for girls and boys and we use to address each other as Bhaiya (brother) and Bahen (sister) which addressing each other along with name. However as you grow young, you start feeling about girls/boys and then when you become shy. In my earlier school I was still ok to talk to girls since have grown up together since junior classes. I was a shy, in fact a fearful person that if some sees me talking to a girl what will others think about me and all that… We could not even stare at girls as at the back in mind there is always a fear of what if she turns back and sees you staring at her. So practically, I always avoided taking to girls for this fear.
However this was a new school and new arena of life. It was a point of change and awakening since this was my inner fear which stopped me from taking to girls and that could be one of the biggest stopper while progressing life. I never talked to unknown girls in life leave about shaking hand and this girl did something which I could never imagine…It was just too odd to just have an eye contact, idea of hand shake was almost million miles away. By god’s grace, there was not in the class and she moved back else it would have been a real harassment for her also (jokes of getting rejected by a boy must rumored around in all school :-) )... it was assembly time and we both moved towards assembly ground together… I was down while walking with her on the way to assembly ground and each moment I was thinking why I could not shake hands with a lady...what was wrong there... something wrong with me or with others… I was looking all around for my thinking cap which was may be with Mr India at that time, I just wanted to hide somewhere away from that girl... I must say it was not easy question to answer at that time of age when you are moving from childish to youth. I was a little confused and kept walking until I crossed a door which lead to a real big play ground and students all around... It was our assembly. For next 2 years we never talked to each other due to this incident. In my new schools that there was no difference in girls and boys in terms of behaviour so it was a true co-education school, unlike the one in which I studied. In starting, at times felt strange when girls in my class use to play with boys like boys. they will screw up hands of boys, thump shoes of boys with their shoes, box them around which was not usual for me since I never had this environment however at some point however gradually I also started accepting the change in life. Thought I still could not talk to girls but when I see them fighting physically and abusing each other friendly, I would not feel awkward. I have to understand and change my views so girls could be as good as a friends without being actual brother/sisters so it’s best carefree talking when you are friends. So a great lesson that we give should give higher preference to awareness of being friend and human being rather than sexual difference between us…however it takes time to change, which took me almost next 5 years until my colleague time and my first firm hand shake was with Lady who interviewed me for my first job in Delhi and I felt so proud that I could see eye to eye and I was comfortable with girls.
So the key is to have a clear heart and things will automatically fall in place. So this was first encounter with a girl in school and probably with the outside world.... if this was the beginning then what will happen in next 2 years to go... Only my destiny knew the answer.... :-)
In my earlier school we use to have separate rows for girls and boys and we use to address each other as Bhaiya (brother) and Bahen (sister) which addressing each other along with name. However as you grow young, you start feeling about girls/boys and then when you become shy. In my earlier school I was still ok to talk to girls since have grown up together since junior classes. I was a shy, in fact a fearful person that if some sees me talking to a girl what will others think about me and all that… We could not even stare at girls as at the back in mind there is always a fear of what if she turns back and sees you staring at her. So practically, I always avoided taking to girls for this fear.
However this was a new school and new arena of life. It was a point of change and awakening since this was my inner fear which stopped me from taking to girls and that could be one of the biggest stopper while progressing life. I never talked to unknown girls in life leave about shaking hand and this girl did something which I could never imagine…It was just too odd to just have an eye contact, idea of hand shake was almost million miles away. By god’s grace, there was not in the class and she moved back else it would have been a real harassment for her also (jokes of getting rejected by a boy must rumored around in all school :-) )... it was assembly time and we both moved towards assembly ground together… I was down while walking with her on the way to assembly ground and each moment I was thinking why I could not shake hands with a lady...what was wrong there... something wrong with me or with others… I was looking all around for my thinking cap which was may be with Mr India at that time, I just wanted to hide somewhere away from that girl... I must say it was not easy question to answer at that time of age when you are moving from childish to youth. I was a little confused and kept walking until I crossed a door which lead to a real big play ground and students all around... It was our assembly. For next 2 years we never talked to each other due to this incident. In my new schools that there was no difference in girls and boys in terms of behaviour so it was a true co-education school, unlike the one in which I studied. In starting, at times felt strange when girls in my class use to play with boys like boys. they will screw up hands of boys, thump shoes of boys with their shoes, box them around which was not usual for me since I never had this environment however at some point however gradually I also started accepting the change in life. Thought I still could not talk to girls but when I see them fighting physically and abusing each other friendly, I would not feel awkward. I have to understand and change my views so girls could be as good as a friends without being actual brother/sisters so it’s best carefree talking when you are friends. So a great lesson that we give should give higher preference to awareness of being friend and human being rather than sexual difference between us…however it takes time to change, which took me almost next 5 years until my colleague time and my first firm hand shake was with Lady who interviewed me for my first job in Delhi and I felt so proud that I could see eye to eye and I was comfortable with girls.
So the key is to have a clear heart and things will automatically fall in place. So this was first encounter with a girl in school and probably with the outside world.... if this was the beginning then what will happen in next 2 years to go... Only my destiny knew the answer.... :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment